FUCK RUNNING. Running won’t make Super Bowl LV Great. But Cam Newton grabbing his cock as he’s strapped to mini rocket will.
Whether we like it or not the Super Bowl is going to be a slumberfest. It’s almost certain the stadium won’t be full and a Ed Sheeran or Taylor Swift half-time show doesn’t appeal to me. Even worse, the half-time show is likely to be another woke parade. But innovation can blow any fears that the Super Bowl will be a dud out of the water.
This is what I’m proposing. The players wear fucking jet packs. Giving them complete 360-degree movement about five storey’s above the pitch.
We don’t need normal at this moment time, we need something that’s going to make us feel something again. To watch more football, not less of it.
‘Rocketbelt’ as jetpacks was previously marketed as have already been on display at a Superbowl in 1985.
Jetpacks even featured at the first ever Super Bowl half time show in 1967.
Then there was a local burger joint flying into the Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium as part of a promotion in 2014. It appeared noisy.
Obviously touchdowns you don’t need a foot down and you also can’t just ‘run’ it into the Endzone, the ball has to be thrown. Field goals, I’m sorry but fuck ’em.
One of the drawbacks of Jet Pack Football is security, literally anyone could fly in an join in the game. Have I thought of everything, no of course not. Would Jet Pack Football be insanely cool and make people feel good? Yes.
In other news, Deadspin’s Carron J. Phillips Is A Fucking Asshole