Deadspin Reporters To Pay Colin Kaepernick’s Butler Fees

Following four years of basking in the limelight of Colin Kaepernick’s career flourishing into multi-million dollar deals with Nike and Disney, the reporters at Deadspin have announced they are to join together and pay for Kaepernick to have a butler at his mansion. Built for him by oppressive white architects and builders.

Kaepernick, who has been busy calling for the dismantling of the police so NFL fans can fight each other to the death at the end of every game, told Deadspin’s reporters in leaked emails the he was feeling exhausted and was struggling to sleep at the thought of so many black people being homeless across America whilst he continues to earn millions of dollars for resting on his knee. In response, Deadspin’s ace reporters told Kaepernick that they would happily pay for him to have a butler.

Whether the butler is expected to wash and clean Kaepernick’s cars is yet to be determined.