Dave Portnoy Needs To Upload This To TikTok NOW And Win The War

Okay, so Dave is being eviscerated on TikTok (isn’t everybody). But Dave has the Doomsday Device. Build just four years ago, Dave’s rendition of Justin Bieber will light up TikTok. It was made for that platform – ahead of its time.

Dave, this is your one and only chance to get out of the bunker, connect on a spiritual level with a bunch of 15-year olds who want to hang you from the nearest lamp post and win the war.

If not you’re going to be hanging upside down from a lamppost with this insane cat tasing you ’til you pass out. There’s no United Nations convention for Tik Tok. It’s influencer, eats influencer. Good luck.